


Shitty Shots In The Mojave Wasteland

by Addiejomo



Category: Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: F/F, F/M, I don't know, M/M, Multi, Other, are these one shots?, one shots?, random shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-18
Updated: 2014-10-23
Packaged: 2018-02-21 15:26:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2473166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Addiejomo/pseuds/Addiejomo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some oneshots (?) set in the Mojave. Some are funny, some try to be funny and some are just weird.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kissing School

Now, Arcade Gannon was, in fact, gay. But he was one of the best looking guys in the Mojave wasteland. People fell all over him, men and women alike, everywhere they went.

He was a damned good kisser too. Cass'd know, she convinced him that she would teach him well, turned out he was a natural.

"Ya still need some lessons, always room for improvement. I just want to see you excel." She just wanted another kiss is all, she liked how he did it all soft and sweet.

"At kissing?" He closed the door on the wardrobe. "Stop following me unless you know where my underpants are."

Arcade stopped abruptly, bumping into Cass who was standing in the doorway. She stepped back and waved his blue boxers in the air. 

"Found 'em." She whispered teasingly.

He groaned and threw his head back, knowing it would take a long time to get them back. "C'mon Cass, give them back... Please?"

"What do I get out of it?" She tilted her head down and looked up with her arms crossed. She sounded like a little sibling, or something like that.

"I need to get to work, what do you want?" He was called into work because one of the junkies had gotten into the medical locker OD'd on med-x. He was just a researcher, why did he always get stuck with the junkies?

"I want a kiss." 

"Ugh. Fine." He leaned over and pecked Cass on the lips. "Can I have them back now."

"C'mon Arcade! That all you got?"

Arcade rolled his eyes and leaned in again. It was a sweet, long kiss. Cass pushed her hands through his hair and he put his hands on her waist.

"What in the name of fuck is happening here?" The courier shouted. She had always wanted to kiss Arcade too.

"Lessons-I'm teaching- she's teaching me- shut up Arcade your making it wo- you shut up, I'm doing nothing wrong." They kept shouting over each other.

"Well that's fucking awkward." Boone appeared in the doorway with his rifle slung over his shoulder. He was leaning on the frame with his arm and was grinning like an idiot.

"Yeah, you said it." The courier agreed.


	2. NCR Rules All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Beau was 14, she thought an NCR ranger was one of the scariest people she would ever meet. Never in her life would she imagine stepping into the atomic wrangler ten years later in the same outfit, getting her number one most feared in the Mojave... Beside the one and only Vulpes Inculta, of course. Which, ironically, is where she would end up that night.

Beau pushed the handle of the grey door and let the wind push it open. Her duster swirled around her as the casino held their breath. It was all very dramatic. Slowly, she took long steps until she reached the corner table by the slots. Her usual spot, always reserved on a Friday night an 9pm.

She gave a small nod to Boone, her right hand man, he stood up and got them two beers, on the house. Everyone was still in a trance, dazed by the presence of such a high ranking member of the NCR. 

Beau had earned her ranks after the battle of Hoover Dam. It started out as an honorary grant, but as time went on she became more committed to the role, thus earning her the Ranger title.

"Welcome friend, I am Antony, a caravan owner from the west." A man had manifested into the chair beside Beau.

A familiar voice but unfamiliar name. It was the one, the only Vulpes Inculta. Beau decided to play this out. She stayed silent and looked at him trough her glowing red visor.

"What is your name?" The person who talks first always loses.

Boone came back with the two beers, she took one from him and stood up to whisper something into his ear and place a bag of caps in his hand, a second later he was on the other side of the room at a slot machine. She sat back down and stared at Inculta some more. She was being scarily alienating with her exaggeratedly loud breathing form the mask.

"Dan Parton" she said in a low, male voice.

"What brings you here, Mr Parton? Business or Pleasure?"

Beau tilted her head at him in a 'what's-it-to-you' way then sighed. With practiced hands, she held up her beer then abruptly flung it down towards the edge of the table, the cap flew off and got caught in Beau's hand whilst the other hand covered the lip of the bottle to stop the froth. The room stopped and stared again.

"You're not much of a talker. Are you, Dan?" 

Between her thumb and forefinger, she squished the bottle cap. It was only one cap between thousands, what did it matter? She resumed with pouring the beer into a glass.

"I'm guessing no." Vulpes seemed slightly intimidated.

"Correct."

"Are you going to drink that?" He pointed to the beer, then her helmet.

"You're not getting it, if that's what you're asking."

"No, how will you drink it with your helmet on?"

"Have you ever been garrotted with the lace off a boot, Antony? Because that's what I do to people who ask too many questions."

Eventually she took her helmet off, revealing a lot less than Vulpes wanted. She was wearing a rebreather and her 1st recon beret. She still looked like a guy. All he could see were her bruised eyes and scarred cheeks.

"And how will you drink with that mask on, friend?"

"I'm not your friend." She returned to her normal voice and flung off her rebreather, slamming it on the table. Vulpes was sent into shock as the wrangler erupted into cheers and applause. 

"Scat, bitch." She whispered to him.

He grabbed his coat from the chair and ran out of the bar.

That taught him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did this years ago, it's really truly shit.


	3. Taller Than Lanius And Made Of Radiation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We've all heard the saying 'dude looks like a lady', well in this case it's true. Just a conversation between the courier and friends about her freakish stature........ I am very bored.
> 
> I'm using the Mojave instant messenger by @CookieFairy if you haven't read it, check it out. Right. Now. It's fucking hilarious!

"What the hell Beau?" Arcade stroked his arm. "I just got my injections!"

"Hey! Cass wanted to know how hard I could punch! I thought you were a.... Pillow?" Cass and Beau threw their heads back and laughed.

Beau had been back from a long journey north and was now extremely muscular. Like, freakishly muscular.

"She doesn't even have tits! They're just abs! Guys, look at this. Beau lift up your shirt again." 

The rest of the companions entered the room.

"Holy crap, why do you even wear a bra? You don't need it." That was Vero's comment.

"They're still sensitive, geez guys. Stop perving."

"You are holding up your shirt for us." Always like Arcade to ruin a joke.

"Holy shit your taller than all of us... Your taller than fucking Lanius! Someone grab the armour from the cupboard, don't forget the helmet and sword!" Cass ordered everyone and they scattered like mice.

Once the armour was retrieved and Beau was changed into her fatigues they helped her into it.

"My legs are a little bigger than his but- don't forget that buckle there- the rest is okay. Point is, I'm taller than Lanius." They couldn't here her too well in the helmet.

Cass was walking around when she suddenly stopped and made a face of realisation.

"I just had the BEST idea ever.get me a camera."  
\-----

"Twerk it, twerk it, twerk it girl. Boone go stand over there. Behind her, yeah there. Dance, bitch, dance. Grind people!" Cass could be bossy when things were for the good of evil.

"Slap your butt! Lanius don't mean shit!" Vero was jumping around in the background doing some questionable things.

"Everybody dance! Get in. SELFIE!!!!" Arcade grabbed the camera and took a selfie.  
\----

You sent FantasticMrFox a file

FantasticMrFox: grrr

BrawnyBeau: hue hue hue.

FMF: though I did not think highly of Lanius, it is still deeply disrespecting. I am very hurt.

BB: oh don't worry. I don't care about you.

FMF: you are very frustrating.

BB: I know. <3 I've missed you.

FMF: believe it or not, I've missed you too.

BB: well, I'm back now. When can I see you next?

FMF: not long I hope ;)

WhiskeyR0s3: you guys do realise this is a group chat.

GannonFodder: yeah

BB: shit.

FMF: indeed.

GannonFodder has sent a file

GF: selfie.

WR: why is there a picture of me and a hooker on my screen?

GF: wrong pic.

WR: it better b

GannonFodder has sent a file

FMF: grrr

WR: boohoo. So we told your buddies you loved Lanius. Get over yourself

FantasticMrFox has logged off.

BB: well, that went well.

You have logged off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know the drill. Kudos, Kudos, Kudos!

**Author's Note:**

> I is sezzy. So is that kudos button. Hit dat.  
> Please follow these instructions to get there. > v


End file.
